my savior, thank you turkey hill.
♥

i want to go somewhere new.
and live life in different shoes.

No I won't sleep Tonight.

it's a neon tree blues night.










hoo-rah.

god dammit, i hate screwing up.
but hey, who cares right? it's life. life sucks, and life's hell. i remember when everything seemed cheery, and happy. nothing could ever get you down. you'd walk around with your head held high, and pride to the sky. well, turn down the blasting music. or tell your parents to shut up, for a second. because, whoever may be reading this. needs to know that.
pointblank, i've messed up in life. i have regrets, i've said things i never though would come out of my mouth.
and i'm sorry.
i love who i used to be.
i loved smiling.
i loved to laugh.
i loved loving you.
i loved caring for you.
i loved having fun.
i loved joking around.
i loved being around people.
i loved that we all used to be friends.
i loved that i'd always look on the brighter side.
i loved that i always saw positivity in everything.
i hate how i miss all that,
and i wish it were still all here.
i hate who i've become.
i hate that i have regrets, because nothing wrong should've ever been done in the first place.
i hate that i've lied.
i hate that i've yelled.
i hate that i've cried.
i hate that i've even wanted to die.
i hate feeling like a bad person.
i hate being told what i am, and knowing how it's true.
i hate not having control over myself.
i hate hating things.
what happened?
why do we even bother with life, if we're all not gonna get out of this mess easily?
no one said it was easy, but no one said it'd ever be this hard either.

those words stick in ones head, you know.
and they tend to not leave.
no big deal though, i promise.
you'll explode sooner or later.

Lesson #31 : You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Do you come here much?
I've got to see your face some more.