I don't know what I'm gonna do,

But i'm so crazy about you.

I loathe this, all of this. Everyday, Every second, Every minute, Every hour. It's hard, really hard. I've had multiple moments that I just want to curl up under my covers, scream until my lungs bleed and cry until i'm drenched. Depressing , right? I miss us. So much, this is far too difficult for me. I'm can't handle it. I'm not strong, I hate bagging on myself. But i'm weak. Too weak, to withstand this. It's insane, it's ridiculous , and it's painful . I'd like out. I want out. I need out. Out. I need to get out. A way out of this mess. Seeing you. And not getting that hug, not a hug. The hug, your hugs. When your voice is spoken to me, I just want to smile. Smile until my lips can't stretch any further. And when you look at me, I feel special. There's just, that look. The look I see every time I see you. The soft stare that your eyes send down right to me make me feel like there's no one else that you need to look at. I love that feeling. It's amazing, it's remarkable, it reminds me of you. No one else, but yourself. I just, keep slipping up. Tripping myself, hitting my face with the concrete. I can't get it right, no matter how hard I try I just fail. Miserably. I try to keep it all at a consistent pace. But then, the littlest thing, trips me. Makes me loose. I don't do it intentionally. Because i'm too blind to realize the truth of the horror of what I did the second after it occurs. I'm a mess, I need organization. I need you, I just wish you realized how much I do. I understand why you're hurt. I would be too, tremendously, confused, mixed emotions. I regret what I did. I can only pour out so many emotions at one sequence. There needs to be a place, and time. Because I have loads of words that are over flowing out of my mouth. That need to be said. If I could take back one thing, it'd be this. They say you learn from your mistakes, and move on. Well, I did. I learned a tremendous amount from this, and I can't ever make it again. I need to restart this, start it from scratch. And do it with as little kinks as possible. I miss things. I miss us. I miss you. The old me, I miss. The way things were, the way they used to be. How they should be. I miss that, all of that. And I want that, I want you. Just you. All of you, Forever. I messed this up, time to find needle and thread. To tie us up, mend it all together. For the better. Forgiveness is what I need from you, but I realize that it's going to need to be worked up to.

You can't just expect everything in life to be directly handed to you.

Because the best things in life, do come to those who wait.

And you are , what is my best.

And will, be worth my time and waiting.

stop confusing my facee.








because i'm sorry to tell you but, i don't like it.

So let me be, and I'll set you free.

well,



uhm..



just so you know





i'm so bipolar when writing, but, the thing is. i'm sad, mad, pissed, annoyed, happy, nervous, worried, excited, depressed, and ready to bash you over the head with a hammer. just because i care, that much.



love you, darling.

I can't stop hitting the replay button,







cause it reminds me of the second you walked into my life.

i don't blog to too much anymore, i've become extremely pre-occupied with other subjects. school's going very well. i love highschool. so much. why? because i get to see everyone all the time, even if it's for five minutes it still counts, pda's allowed. you can wear whatever. there's no teachers yelling at you in the hallway. everyone's willing to help you get around . ahh, yay i've found my place. i love this school, i never want to leave.

winters coming, i love winter so much. it's my second favorite season. winter means, snowflakes, cuddling, hot chocolate, christmas music, reindeer ears, chicken noodle soup, fuzzy socks, flannel pants, big sweatshirts, surrounded by family, no makeup, thanksgiving morning, thick blankets, cozy beds, warm couches, ramen noodles, christmas trees, green colors, days indoors, iced over ponds. i mean, yes it's still september. and yes summer's supposed to continue until the 21st but it's cold god damn it! ha, i love summer, but winter just makes everything feel more secure and cozy. and i like it. it makes me happy, i mean, yes!

it's great running up and down a beach, in hollister shorts and our spaghetti strapped tank tops. as our flip flops click around with every step we take. girls painting our toenails hot pink and guys spritzing their "summer chick" cologne. mini golfing and movies every night, staying up late and sleeping in. tanning, and saltwater fills ourselves.

but , i'm excited for winter. it's always been a pleasant time in my life. so therefor, bring on the cold weather. i mean, who doesn't love seeing a cute little birdie eat sunflower seeds of a perfectly non imprinted snow filled ground surface? doesn't it just make you want to smile and fill you with happiness? it does to me.

oh goodness, well highschool started yesterday. and as i believe all the freshmen would be nervous as hell. oh, and we were. we all were. it's big, everyone's taller. and has seniority over you. it's scary, it's a big place to be. i got lost. alot, i think mostly everyone did. it' s almost impossible. but i like my classes, my teachers are pretty chill, and i know a ton of kids in my lunch periods. i'm having fun, new school, new year, making more friends. it's quite the experience, lemme tell ya. the drama doesn't stop though, and there's hallways going every which way. oh well. i'll survive. a positive attitude pays off for a positive time. and that's what i want. i good 4 years in this school. i want to go as far as my expectations can bring me, and look back and realize that i am indeed proud of myself. knowing that i did the very best i can be . i can't wait for the rest of the year to come, call my crazy but i sortaa missed school .

I like cupcakes. They make me happy.

last day of summer 2010; thankyou sunshine. you give me life, and one that i'll never forget .

No one wants to see us together, But look at us now♥

dear world, nickolas spintig's the most bombdiggidy
buttermuffin in the whole entire blue and green circle.
adios!

Right?

V8 Juice, out of a butterfly cup..
Live it up on the last night of summer♥

..did i really just quote bieber?
yeah; i've officially hit rock bottom..

I wish I didn't have to say that I really do hope, you make me your one less lonely girl.

And it is true when I say that I don't want to fail, Because if I fail you I've failed myself..

i'm sorry that i cannot tell you how many tears i let hit the floor.
i prefer to let them just hit the pillow,
because if i stand up, i'd have to look up and watch you walk away..

I'll give my world, to you.