I don't know what I'm gonna do,

But i'm so crazy about you.

I loathe this, all of this. Everyday, Every second, Every minute, Every hour. It's hard, really hard. I've had multiple moments that I just want to curl up under my covers, scream until my lungs bleed and cry until i'm drenched. Depressing , right? I miss us. So much, this is far too difficult for me. I'm can't handle it. I'm not strong, I hate bagging on myself. But i'm weak. Too weak, to withstand this. It's insane, it's ridiculous , and it's painful . I'd like out. I want out. I need out. Out. I need to get out. A way out of this mess. Seeing you. And not getting that hug, not a hug. The hug, your hugs. When your voice is spoken to me, I just want to smile. Smile until my lips can't stretch any further. And when you look at me, I feel special. There's just, that look. The look I see every time I see you. The soft stare that your eyes send down right to me make me feel like there's no one else that you need to look at. I love that feeling. It's amazing, it's remarkable, it reminds me of you. No one else, but yourself. I just, keep slipping up. Tripping myself, hitting my face with the concrete. I can't get it right, no matter how hard I try I just fail. Miserably. I try to keep it all at a consistent pace. But then, the littlest thing, trips me. Makes me loose. I don't do it intentionally. Because i'm too blind to realize the truth of the horror of what I did the second after it occurs. I'm a mess, I need organization. I need you, I just wish you realized how much I do. I understand why you're hurt. I would be too, tremendously, confused, mixed emotions. I regret what I did. I can only pour out so many emotions at one sequence. There needs to be a place, and time. Because I have loads of words that are over flowing out of my mouth. That need to be said. If I could take back one thing, it'd be this. They say you learn from your mistakes, and move on. Well, I did. I learned a tremendous amount from this, and I can't ever make it again. I need to restart this, start it from scratch. And do it with as little kinks as possible. I miss things. I miss us. I miss you. The old me, I miss. The way things were, the way they used to be. How they should be. I miss that, all of that. And I want that, I want you. Just you. All of you, Forever. I messed this up, time to find needle and thread. To tie us up, mend it all together. For the better. Forgiveness is what I need from you, but I realize that it's going to need to be worked up to.

You can't just expect everything in life to be directly handed to you.

Because the best things in life, do come to those who wait.

And you are , what is my best.

And will, be worth my time and waiting.