i know you there.
and i'm going to hide.
hide myself,
to save myself.
because i don't want to be in more pain.
i'm hiding from you.
from behind a screen.
by an offline button.

I have the biggest issue in the world with you.
Dumb whore.

Oh, the places i'll go.

And the things you'll never know.

but, i've come to realize. no one can be happy and perky all the time. it's just how life is. so, i'll say how life is. i'm sure it won't be a problem. after all, people do seem to be interested in anything topic human. so, i guess i'll just wing it.

yeah, that's right. i'm just gonna wing it.

look, i know the title of my blog is a smile is your trademark. and yes, smiles are good. and the reason why i made this blog was to post happy, cheery stuff all the time.. but. i can't right now. sorry everyone.. once i'm able to, you'll know. and it'll be all positivity and happiness all the time..but right now..i can't be happy for you..sorry.

back to square one.

i'm going to rant.

school starts next week, and i'm not prepared at all. i wish there was 3 more weeks of summer left. then i could be ready to go back. i love being busy, but being loaded is 20x more different. i miss everyone that i haven't seen this summer. i want to go back to ballet. soccer's going alright. i really do like it. but i miss ballet even more. relationships are tough, but can be worth it. i'm scared shitless for what's to come this year. i just want to freeze time and keep going, and unfreeze it when i'm prepared. and ready . for everything.
stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.sucks.
i don't think i have it in me to take on another responsibility. i wish they'd all just go away, but i know that no way in hell that'll ever happen.
i've escaped into my room numerous times for the sanctuary of peace with my piano and guitar; i haven't painted in a while. booo. i really need to write down my soccer schedule, make my bed, and change the sheets. they're purple now and i want my yellow butterflies back on it, god damn. i need to swiffer to. the dust. needs. to die. i need to clean like a mad woman. even though nothings really messy, i have extreme ocd. i need a hug. a big. hug. and for someone other than myself to tell me everything's going to be okay.

shit hit the fan, and my world's seem to of gone straight to hell. i feel like i've cursed more than the devil, and if i walked into church right now i'd burst into flames. summers only 2 months. and yet; it seems soo long. a normal 2 months of school seems short. not long. short. i made a new friend today, i like making new friends! it's super. i sound extremely bipolar right now, this i realize. but i could care less. a few minutes ago; ^ way to the top. i felt like screaming. now i'm actually laughing at little. at how ridiculous this may sound. i'm going to be posting a ton today/tonight.

urg. bad thoughts're back. these memories, are making me meltdown..

I can't wait to go back.

I WISH IT WAS APRIL ALREADY! ♥


wsw;)

hey, i think i really can do it.

thanks so much, friend.

sincerely, friend number two.

I'm feelin like a star, you can't stop my shine.

Hello, I'm Alayna and I like Pacman.

I'm going to miss summer so very much

Bada bing bada boom.

And it's all gone..

I'M GOING TO ENGLAND!♥
Yes, the classy part of the world in the UK where the guy's accent's are extremely adorable and where you can dance in the rain almost everyday and splash in humongous puddles. And where they have the guards that aren't allowed to make any sort of movements whatsoever unless instructed to do so. So therefor, I am indeed going to take advantage of this and take a bajillion and uno pictures with them, poke their faces and lick my hands like a kitten and meow in their ears and blow them kissey faces. Yup, I am indeed. PUMPED♥

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Looking back at all of my posts..
I've come to the conclusion of how incredibly bipolar I can sound.

Promise me, that you'll keep at it.
And never give up.
And never back down.

Okay, it's all settled.
And I know what I'm gonna do

...

1 New Txt Message

..Helllloooo drama.

have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?

yup.