i know you there.
and i'm going to hide.
hide myself,
to save myself.
because i don't want to be in more pain.
i'm hiding from you.
from behind a screen.
by an offline button.

I have the biggest issue in the world with you.
Dumb whore.

Oh, the places i'll go.

And the things you'll never know.

but, i've come to realize. no one can be happy and perky all the time. it's just how life is. so, i'll say how life is. i'm sure it won't be a problem. after all, people do seem to be interested in anything topic human. so, i guess i'll just wing it.

yeah, that's right. i'm just gonna wing it.

look, i know the title of my blog is a smile is your trademark. and yes, smiles are good. and the reason why i made this blog was to post happy, cheery stuff all the time.. but. i can't right now. sorry everyone.. once i'm able to, you'll know. and it'll be all positivity and happiness all the time..but right now..i can't be happy for you..sorry.

back to square one.

i'm going to rant.

school starts next week, and i'm not prepared at all. i wish there was 3 more weeks of summer left. then i could be ready to go back. i love being busy, but being loaded is 20x more different. i miss everyone that i haven't seen this summer. i want to go back to ballet. soccer's going alright. i really do like it. but i miss ballet even more. relationships are tough, but can be worth it. i'm scared shitless for what's to come this year. i just want to freeze time and keep going, and unfreeze it when i'm prepared. and ready . for everything.
stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.sucks.
i don't think i have it in me to take on another responsibility. i wish they'd all just go away, but i know that no way in hell that'll ever happen.
i've escaped into my room numerous times for the sanctuary of peace with my piano and guitar; i haven't painted in a while. booo. i really need to write down my soccer schedule, make my bed, and change the sheets. they're purple now and i want my yellow butterflies back on it, god damn. i need to swiffer to. the dust. needs. to die. i need to clean like a mad woman. even though nothings really messy, i have extreme ocd. i need a hug. a big. hug. and for someone other than myself to tell me everything's going to be okay.

shit hit the fan, and my world's seem to of gone straight to hell. i feel like i've cursed more than the devil, and if i walked into church right now i'd burst into flames. summers only 2 months. and yet; it seems soo long. a normal 2 months of school seems short. not long. short. i made a new friend today, i like making new friends! it's super. i sound extremely bipolar right now, this i realize. but i could care less. a few minutes ago; ^ way to the top. i felt like screaming. now i'm actually laughing at little. at how ridiculous this may sound. i'm going to be posting a ton today/tonight.

urg. bad thoughts're back. these memories, are making me meltdown..

I can't wait to go back.

I WISH IT WAS APRIL ALREADY! ♥


wsw;)

hey, i think i really can do it.

thanks so much, friend.

sincerely, friend number two.

I'm feelin like a star, you can't stop my shine.

Hello, I'm Alayna and I like Pacman.

I'm going to miss summer so very much

Bada bing bada boom.

And it's all gone..

I'M GOING TO ENGLAND!♥
Yes, the classy part of the world in the UK where the guy's accent's are extremely adorable and where you can dance in the rain almost everyday and splash in humongous puddles. And where they have the guards that aren't allowed to make any sort of movements whatsoever unless instructed to do so. So therefor, I am indeed going to take advantage of this and take a bajillion and uno pictures with them, poke their faces and lick my hands like a kitten and meow in their ears and blow them kissey faces. Yup, I am indeed. PUMPED♥

Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.
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Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.Balloons.Glowsticks.

Looking back at all of my posts..
I've come to the conclusion of how incredibly bipolar I can sound.

Promise me, that you'll keep at it.
And never give up.
And never back down.

Okay, it's all settled.
And I know what I'm gonna do

...

1 New Txt Message

..Helllloooo drama.

have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?

yup.

Here goes,
Here it comes.
The hardest thing that feels like I'll ever have to do.
In my entire,
Life.
Oh dear god, help me.

This hurts,
This hurts really bad.
I don't know if you've noticed.
Or even if you care..
But I'm hurt.
But I guess it doesn't matter to you,
Because all you do is stare.

Sometimes... when you least expect it, you find someone.
That you've been looking for.

Hey there, You screwed up.

And I screwed up,

For believing you.

You can't go back, and start a new beginning. But you can start today, and make a new ending.

I miss the times when all we did was laugh.
I miss the times that you made me smile 24/7.
I miss the times when we'd talk all night.
I miss the times when we would cuddle for hours.
I miss the times that our little pecks meant the world.
I miss the times where when we said goodbye we'd also say I love you.
I miss the times that every sweet text we'd sent would be saved.
I miss the times that you'd tell me no one would grab me from under my bed and hurt me.
I miss the times when you'd call me your baby girl every day.
I miss the times where you'd pick me up and run with me in your arms around the room.
I miss the times where every thing I said could make you laugh.
I miss the times when we'd cry together and how soft and sweet it was.
I miss the times that you'd call me hun on the phone.
I miss the times where you'd show interest in the things I'd say.
I miss the times where you'd talk back.
I miss the times where you'd share your honest opinion with me.
I miss the times where you'd wrap your arms around me at the football games.
I miss the times that you'd let me kiss your forehead when you were sitting down.
I miss the times where we'd walk out of a movie theater and you'd put your arm on my shoulder.
I miss the times where we'd walk out of lunch and you'd put your arms around me.
I miss the times that we'd hold hands under the table.
I miss the times where you seemed proud that I was your girlfriend.
I miss the times that you'd say "Dude back off that's my girlfriend" to any guy that flirt with me.
I miss the times when we would never fight.
I miss the times when we wouldn't dare yell.
I miss the times that you wouldn't make me cry.
I miss the times that you wouldn't get upset, and that I could always keep you content.
I miss the times when you said you cared.
I miss the times that we'd try and say good morning every morning secretly, before a class.
I miss the times when we'd never miss a chance to say goodnight.
I miss the times when if we had the option to see each other, whenever for however we'd take it.
But most of all?
I miss you.

You make me want to do this;

Keep it sweet,
Keep it slow,
Let the future past,
And don't let go.

what's perfection? please, let me know. because i hear this word all the time. a person is called it, a personality could be perfect, the weather could be, even a birdhouse could be called so. so what is it? is it when nothing goes wrong, and everything goes right? or something gets up to the standards of being so great and amazing that it can't get any better? on an average day, it seems as if over 100 girls get called "perfect". we'll all be called that once or twice in our life times. but if all of us are told that we are of pure perfection , there must be over 100 different definitions of it. i've been called it before, i bet my life on it that you have to. someone saying "you have perfect eyes." or, "you're perfectly skinny." and this just isn't directed towards girls, guys could be said to be perfect too. although this word seems to come out of everyones mouth one day or the other, but honestly? i don't think perfection exists. cause i don't know what it is. what the true meaning of it is. and even if there is. maybe everyone's perfect in their own little way. or maybe it's just a figure of speech. but, i guess we just use it cause we can. and to tell you the truth, i'd hate to be perfect. have nothing wrong with me, no flaws, no cons and just all pros, nothing to fix, or work on. i like all those things, call me crazy but all the little imperfections and flaws in myself is what i like, improving is fun. it means new opportunities to learn something that you don't already have the knowledge of. i mean, i know that someone could look as close to looking as of there was nothing wrong, but deep down inside. there's always that one little thing that we can't always see in someone. but it's there. i think, that perfection is an imperfection in itself. which leads to all of our little flaws, and imperfections within us is what completes us all. and makes us the individuals that we all are. maybe it's like that so that the little imperfections are what make us perfect. in our own way.
i don't know.
i clearly do not have a clue. these are all just maybe's , and what if's or possibilities. of a question, that i don't think will ever turn into an answer. oh well, i'll survive, i'm okay with not knowing.

it can always, be my little wonder

Cool how you always bitch and complain , and when I do I'm the one that gets the pain.

"A place with Glitter on the floor must be a pretty ghetto place to be."

A different city every night, Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

You should always allow someone a second chance,
Before you let them walk away.
Because maybe, they just weren't ready for the first one.

Ever feel a spark? No, not a spark of fire. But an emotional spark. One that you can feel in a second, and it seems as if it's the most magical thing in the world. And as if you would drop any and everything to get that one moment in your life back. It makes your smile go as wide as your mouths content, and your heart feels as warm as ever. Your stomach can start to swish around, even if there's nothing inside it. It's occupied by butterflies, I guess. It takes alot to make a person feel this way. And if you're able to accomplish bringing so much joy into one persons life, then you must be a pretty special someone. Separation seems like years, laughs seem to last days, and hugs seem to last hours. The simple pleasures of each day, that usually you don't seem to notice or embrace can make you feel more special than ever.
I like these kind of sparks, yup. I really do.

I haven't blogged in a while,

http://www.youtube.com/user/iDejANCE#p/a/u/2/IoWJl0IuH-Y

Buut check those guys out! ^

I wish I could dance like that.

RUN BABY RUN.

Oh, shit. My shoes untied..

What the efffff i had a tax in all day

-A.

What whaaaat?

Girl I will cuttt youuu.
-amc.

If only life were this easy..

You get so close to clarity, it makes you question everything.

You're so far away,

So far away from me.

Is it starting to break, underneath my feet?

You're so far away..

Am I just out of reach?

Believe it or not..This is a man.

Kiss kiss kiss, kiss kiss kiss kiss.

I am a short girl.
I like happy music.
I like playing the piano.
I have a cell phone.
I am catholic.
I will be taken for a year in 36 days.
I love my boyfriend.

I like to meet new people.
I like my friends.
I hate myspace.
I think people are too mean on formspring.
I want a puppy.
I want to go eat something.
I like to shop.

I don't know how to shut up.
I've been told i'm smart.
I like bracelets
I painted my nails and toes clear today.
I like the color blue.
I do not know how to mow lawns.
I like the smell of gasoline.
I am very tan.

I am addicted to facebook.
I like to cook
I strongly dislike math.
I can't wait till I can drive.
I am a perfectionist.
I don't want to get braces.
I have a hamster.
I changed my bed sheets today.
I am not a morning person.

I want to go to north carolina next summer.
I like plane rides.
I have never been on a roller coaster.
I miss someone that has died.
I love the beach.
I miss ballet.
I find Twilight extremely obnoxious.

I hate country music.
I think rainbows are pretty.
I'm eager to know my schedule.
I'm surprised that my boyfriend enjoys photography as much as I do.
I like painting.
I have a strange obsession with zebras.

I don't see the point in straightening my hair anymore.
I believe your natural self is your most beautiful self.
I smile as much as I blink.
I have a ton of scars all over my legs.
I like to cuddle.

I fantasize about my wedding day.
I switch my ringtones and text tones alot.
I recently just changed my ringback.
My birthdays coming up soon.
I love thunder and lightening.
I wonder when I'll decide to stop typing.

I have 3 bestfriends.
I want to learn the guitar.
I remember building websites with my friends when we were 8.
I used to play Webkinz..I had 37.
I love JUICE.
I push myself to do better.
I quote sex and the city.

I am currently receiving a picture message.
I want to go in a eurobubble by the end of the summer.
I love the beach.
I WILL meet John Mayer one day.
I'm going to see WSW in April.
I dress up on special occasions.
I don't know who Ringo Star is..
Call me a Loser, but I tend to not venture out.

I have an opinion on everything.
I think my house is occasionally haunted.
I hate scary movies.
I will always think a smile is what separates everyone.
I like fuzzy or soft things.
I love trees with flowers.
Victorias secret is one of my favorite stores.

I wish my dad was in my life more.
I never knew Burger Queen existed till yesterday.
I should probably stop writing know.
Cause I bet it's a ton.
So, hasta la vista my fellow flamingos.

Boo-freakin'-yah.

The art of seduction.

This, is what love looks like.

This, is what best friends look like.

This, is what dedication looks like.

I had a great dream last night.

Till I opened my eyes.

And popped back into reality,

Damn, it was good.

Then you think to yourself,

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I STILL BE ASLEEP?!

I'm fightin for somethin, that's real. For the first time in my life.

Maybe things weren't meant to change after all..