Baby I'm a troublemaker, I heard that you're a heartbraker.

the other day, i was jammin in my room to the old rap, that all the "big kids" that we knew of listened to when we were 7. and we wanted to be "cool" like them. and i remembered everything from back then. the times where we'd go to the park and ride our bikes, or when hangingout with friends was called a playdate , or walking around with mp3's blasting our heads out. now, everythings different. chicks ride dicks, hangingout's considered getting high. and walking around means picking a fight with someone random kid that you see on the streets that we don't like. akon popped up on the ipod yesterday, and i remembered my mom telling me to turn it off. and that i wasn't allowed to listen to that type of music, i'd alwaays ask why. now i know why. he swore, talked about sex, drugs, fights on the street. and all that. i was a baby, and didn't know the shit of this world. definitely know now though, and i wish i didn't. "the big kids do it, why can't i?" if only i knew.. oh well. life goes on, that was then , this is now.all the old music that we used to listen to, are still indeed really good. cause it speaks the truth about how everything's for real and how it goes. but we really didn't need to be around it when we were that young. one of the reasons why a highschool shouldn't be right next to an elementary school. the little peace left here needs to get around, and catch on quick. we need to save the decent bit of humanity while there's still a few fifth graders not saying fuck every 3 seconds. it's really sad to see, and to realize that it's the truth. when in reality, you wish everyone could just get along, and there wouldn't be the problems there to stand in your way. but i guess the problems in life is what make you see and appreciate all the good in it. now i finally know why people say times are tough, it's because life is rough.

How could you do this...? Why would you. I really didn't expect this from someone like you, thanks. My bestfriend tonight's my monkey socks, chocolate dolci frutta dip, and a huge jug of apple juice.

so there's this song called 143 , and everyone seems to be into it..i'd always see twitter updates and facebook status's with lyrics from it, and i had never looked it up until today..i now see why everyone's addicted♥

Yayy new webcam! You can probably tell that I haven't figured out the angles too well considering the fact that my smiley face on my right hand's backwards..

i know you there.
and i'm going to hide.
hide myself,
to save myself.
because i don't want to be in more pain.
i'm hiding from you.
from behind a screen.
by an offline button.

I have the biggest issue in the world with you.
Dumb whore.

Oh, the places i'll go.

And the things you'll never know.

but, i've come to realize. no one can be happy and perky all the time. it's just how life is. so, i'll say how life is. i'm sure it won't be a problem. after all, people do seem to be interested in anything topic human. so, i guess i'll just wing it.

yeah, that's right. i'm just gonna wing it.

look, i know the title of my blog is a smile is your trademark. and yes, smiles are good. and the reason why i made this blog was to post happy, cheery stuff all the time.. but. i can't right now. sorry everyone.. once i'm able to, you'll know. and it'll be all positivity and happiness all the time..but right now..i can't be happy for you..sorry.

back to square one.

i'm going to rant.

school starts next week, and i'm not prepared at all. i wish there was 3 more weeks of summer left. then i could be ready to go back. i love being busy, but being loaded is 20x more different. i miss everyone that i haven't seen this summer. i want to go back to ballet. soccer's going alright. i really do like it. but i miss ballet even more. relationships are tough, but can be worth it. i'm scared shitless for what's to come this year. i just want to freeze time and keep going, and unfreeze it when i'm prepared. and ready . for everything.
stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.sucks.
i don't think i have it in me to take on another responsibility. i wish they'd all just go away, but i know that no way in hell that'll ever happen.
i've escaped into my room numerous times for the sanctuary of peace with my piano and guitar; i haven't painted in a while. booo. i really need to write down my soccer schedule, make my bed, and change the sheets. they're purple now and i want my yellow butterflies back on it, god damn. i need to swiffer to. the dust. needs. to die. i need to clean like a mad woman. even though nothings really messy, i have extreme ocd. i need a hug. a big. hug. and for someone other than myself to tell me everything's going to be okay.

shit hit the fan, and my world's seem to of gone straight to hell. i feel like i've cursed more than the devil, and if i walked into church right now i'd burst into flames. summers only 2 months. and yet; it seems soo long. a normal 2 months of school seems short. not long. short. i made a new friend today, i like making new friends! it's super. i sound extremely bipolar right now, this i realize. but i could care less. a few minutes ago; ^ way to the top. i felt like screaming. now i'm actually laughing at little. at how ridiculous this may sound. i'm going to be posting a ton today/tonight.

urg. bad thoughts're back. these memories, are making me meltdown..

I can't wait to go back.

I WISH IT WAS APRIL ALREADY! ♥


wsw;)

hey, i think i really can do it.

thanks so much, friend.

sincerely, friend number two.

I'm feelin like a star, you can't stop my shine.

Hello, I'm Alayna and I like Pacman.

I'm going to miss summer so very much

Bada bing bada boom.

And it's all gone..

I'M GOING TO ENGLAND!♥
Yes, the classy part of the world in the UK where the guy's accent's are extremely adorable and where you can dance in the rain almost everyday and splash in humongous puddles. And where they have the guards that aren't allowed to make any sort of movements whatsoever unless instructed to do so. So therefor, I am indeed going to take advantage of this and take a bajillion and uno pictures with them, poke their faces and lick my hands like a kitten and meow in their ears and blow them kissey faces. Yup, I am indeed. PUMPED♥